can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
