I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
