i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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