with your own penis?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
