yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize