you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
