I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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