I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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