Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
