he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
