All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
