I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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