god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
