there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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