Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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