I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize