i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
