we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
