after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
