Swine flu is the new snow day.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
