he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I think your dad took our porno
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
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