If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
