she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
