He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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