I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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