Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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