I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
