when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
