I wish I could teleport
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
