Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
