Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
