I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
