I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
