Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
