don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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