I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
