when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
