My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
