that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
