so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
