I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
