I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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