We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
time to smoke my breakfast
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
