we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
