Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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