Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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