...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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