Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
