Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(404): View more from Georgia

one word: firstdatebathroomanal

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(231): View more from Michigan

My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.

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(575): View more from New Mexico

How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.

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(219): View more from Indiana

where are my pants?

(1-219): View more from Indiana

you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.

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(248): View more from Michigan

Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?

(1-248): View more from Michigan

Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.

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(785): View more from Kansas

He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.

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(636): View more from Missouri

I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you

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(225): View more from Louisiana

I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean

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