I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
