Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
