roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
