oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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