hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
