I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
