So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
