I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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