wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
