How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
