I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
