shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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