What a fucking waste of an outfit
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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