Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
