fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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