I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
