Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
