just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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